COLUMNS

MR. WRONG: Price Clubbing

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Slice my ham, stop fooling around!

From Hmm Weekly
On April 8, 2021

MR. WRONG: Hold The Onions

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EVERY TIME I chop onions (I am not good at it) I remember that movie about Julia Child where she enrolled in the famous Cordon Bleu, and there was a lab where the baby Bleus hadda learn how to chop the onions, because the onion is a building block of gastronomy or something. Your whole […]

From Hmm Weekly
On February 19, 2021

ASK THE SOPHIST: May I Call Out My Friend for Jumping the Vaccination Line?

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Dear The Sophist, My friend chose to “misread” our state’s vaccine requirements—on purpose, because supposedly “everyone else” was doing it at her K-8 school—and skipped the line ahead of people who are 70+ and healthcare workers/staff because it’s an honor system to sign up. Our group text told her she was wrong but she chose to […]

From Hmm Weekly
On February 16, 2021

ASK THE SOPHIST: Should I Attend a Funeral With Republican Relatives or Is It Time to Start Running?

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I am torn between the guilt of obligation to attend the funeral, and a powerful desire to continue to not speak to these people.

From Hmm Weekly
On February 8, 2021

MR. WRONG: Superb Owl!

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I know that right now is not really a time when lots of people should be getting together to watch the Big Game, or even a little game.

From Hmm Weekly
On February 4, 2021

MR. WRONG: Groundhog!

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Personally, I do not want to eat a Groundhog.

From Hmm Weekly
On February 2, 2021

MR. WRONG: Pump It Up

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It's a game of Chicken! I would feel bad if a bunch of regular people got burned.

From Hmm Weekly
On January 29, 2021

Corporate America Rewards Trump Enablers With Cushy Jobs

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Trump staffers are worried that the insurrection might hurt their career opportunities, but many of their former colleagues had no trouble finding nice jobs in the political influence industry.

From Sludge
On January 19, 2021

MR. WRONG: Put A Cork In It

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I LIKE TO drink wine more than I used to. Anyway, I’m drinking more. I know it’s January, and a lotta people like to “dry out” and not drink any wine, or beer, or liquor, or that new-style juice that’s fizzy water with hooch in it, and have a “Dry January,” or “Dryuary,” for fuck’s […]

From Hmm Weekly
On January 13, 2021

MR. WRONG: Now Is Nothing

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It's the most wonderful time of the year: Nothing.

From Hmm Weekly
On January 6, 2021

ASK THE SOPHIST: Where Should I Put My Dog’s Poop?

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Dear The Sophist, It’s been painful to see a lack of sophistry in this space the last few weeks—it’s like no one is right about anything anymore. Fortunately, I’m right about something that popped up lately, and I’m hoping for some stylish confirmation of it.  A friend who recently got a dog says that he never […]

From Hmm Weekly
On December 31, 2020

MR. WRONG: Last-Minute End of The Year 2020 Guide in Review

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I swear it’s not my fault

From Hmm Weekly
On December 29, 2020

MR. WRONG: Happy The Holidays!

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round oblong shapes of comfort and joy

From Hmm Weekly
On December 23, 2020

MR. WRONG: I Am Coöperating

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Tiny candy bars are bad!

From Hmm Weekly
On December 15, 2020

MR. WRONG: The Sky is Falling

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Goofballs are driving out to some national park to see a piece of metal

From Hmm Weekly
On December 4, 2020

MR: WRONG: Investor Class Dismissed

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If you jump in and out of the market at the right times, that’s where you make some real dough.

From Hmm Weekly
On October 27, 2020